I've told my boss, and he's being supportive. He didn't say much, just, "thanks for letting me know".
I feel pretty well prepared. I'm much fitter than I was at the start of this blog. I've been doing the 5:2 fasting diet, and exercising alot. Each week I've been to Bikram Yoga twice, swimming once, gym once, and Tai Chi once as well. Yesterday, for the first time in my adult life I was within my 'ideal' BMI of 21. I'm sleeping well. I feel physically good, strong, fit and healthy.
I dreamt last night of having a 'deadly' mouse in my shoe, that I had to shake out. (I'm hoping my subconscious was referring to Hep C, and not some other deadly issue that my conscious is unaware of.) That's how I feel, time to shake it off.
I've been lucky in the way my body has dealt with Hep C. It has been mouselike, small and in the background. After the initial attempt at treatment, and once I'd learned that drinking any alcohol at all was a bad idea (as I always felt lousy, tired and miserable for days afterwards), I've felt fine mainly. I think I've had more colds and flu than I got before. I need 8 hours sleep a night. And my memory is rubbish, compared to when I was in my early twenties (but that could just be age?). I've had Hep C for 14 years now, and (according to my last ping test) have next to no liver scarring. Lucky.
Even though there's probably only a 50% chance the treatment will work, (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3153125/) I want to get on with tackling it. I was a non responder last time. But I only just missed the two log drop, and from a low starting viral count of 124,000, so maybe I don't respond poorly to interferon - just not brilliantly? I'm assuming it will work. If it doesn't - nothing I can do about it, so no point worrying.
The treatment will be horrible, tiring, will take over my life; will stop me from being able to prioritise anything except work and treatment. I am scared. I don't want to go through 44 weeks of having no energy, being tearful and anxious, and not being able to sleep. I don't want the side effects of nausea, headaches, chills, anemia and the rest. I'm well at the moment, and treatments are improving, so why go through the current treatment when if I wait ten years I might be able to clear it with minimal side effects? I'm doing it because I hope to start a family, pretty soon after completing the treatment, and it would be wonderful not to have to worry about passing Hep C on to my baby, or anyone else; and to know that I will be well and able to take care of my family for that stage of my life (well, barring other curve balls). And I might not have another phase in my life like this, where I have time and resources to focus fully on myself, my health.
So not a good time to decide to buy a house that needs lots of work doing? That's what I keep telling myself too. Pff. I am being driven by my nesting instinct in that direction too. Not surprising, but one thing at a time would be better.
Final preparations:
- remember to start taking the Citalopram on Friday 15 Feb,
- buy a Yoga Nidra CD so I can rest when I can't sleep.
- get work up to date, and my spreadsheets built for year end, so that the financial accounts and audit run easily (May - July).
- get on with my writing (fiction). Build some momentum to help me keep moving forward when I'm on the treatment.
Hope all is well in your world. Thank you for listening, and, goodnight.
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