38. 2 July 2013 - into the twilight zone

Hi, it's been a while since I've been blogging. There have been a few reasons for this:

Firstly, it's because I've been either busy or asleep. A couple of weeks ago I had a massage, which was lovely, nurturing, but it made me feel just how tired I've got. For days afterwards I didn't feel like doing anything. And then I started to feel more ill, more down, more short of energy, which was miserable.

I don't know what happened, but something inspired me to go for a swim. It made such a difference to how I felt, that ever since I've been trying to do as much exercise as I can. It wears me out though. This is another reason I have not been been blogging. i've been too tired.

I've found the solution to the swimming rash, is to cover myself in Aveeno before I go in, and then shower twice when I get out, once with anti-chlorine wash and once with Aveeno shower oil, and then cover myself in Aveeno lotion.

I've been acting unlike me. Spending a fortune on the things that I want, rather than waiting to save up. I bought some software to learn Spanish. I've upgraded my drawing software. I'm doing the things that matter to me.

This last weekend we went to the Forest of Dean. It's just an hour's drive away from where we live, so that wasn't too stressful or tiring. We stayed in a B&B, but in a little lodge in the back garden; not much more than a bed, shower room, and a sink really, but we like to have our own front door when we go away.

On the Saturday we went cycling. We hired bikes from Pedalbikeaway, and cycled the family cycle trail round the woods. It was at such a glorious day, sunshine and a gentle breeze. It felt like the air in the woods was drinkable; cool, clear and full of oxygen.

We took it pretty easy for the weekend. Everything takes such a long time now. It took as until midday on the Friday to get packed up and out; making sure I had everything I needed: my medicine, clothes to keep the sun off my skin, sunblock, my snacks for eating with my drugs.

We cycled 16 miles on Saturday, and possibly a few more on detours when we went wrong. We weren't even cycling that slowly. All the work I've been doing in the gym, going swimming, meant that I could enjoy it. By the end of the day I was absolutely shattered though. I felt just as tired as when, many years ago, I did a sponsored 28 mile walk. But after showering, dinner and some stretching, I was okay. The next day we went to Tintern Abbey and sat in the shade and had a picnic. I was tired. I'm still tired now. But I can at least live my life, as well as do this treatment.

The second reason why this why haven't been blogging much is less positive. Everything is getting, well, weird really. When I sleep, I have strange and frightening dreams, and they follow me into the day. I feel isolated. I feel I'm never really awake, and never really asleep, I'm shifting into the twilight zone. That sounds a bit dramatic, but it is very strange feeling. I'm probably not sleeping well enough, but I'm already taking Sleepeaze two nights a week and valerian two nights a week, I don't want to take any more sleeping pills than that.

At work, I don't know how I'm doing. On the one hand, I know that personally I am doing brilliantly just to get there in the morning on time and spend the day positively working. But I seem to be completely unable to judge how much work I have got to do, whether I'm anywhere near meeting my deadlines. I just do the next task, and then at the end of the day go home. I have to blindly hope that things are going okay because my brain is so unclear, so blank, I can't see the bigger picture. But I'm also not bothered about it!

19. 27 April 2013 - 8 weeks done

Yesterday was the end of week 8 of my Hep C treatment regime.

I'm feeling ok still, kind of ok, the kind of ok where you have a doctor's appointment in the morning to discuss increasing your anti-depressant dose. My head feels bleary, as my eyes are. I can't hold thoughts in the right place, they just slide off centre and fall out into the recesses of my brain before I can work with them. It's frustrating. I feel useless and like I'm always saying the wrong thing. That's pretty much the worst of it though.

I need to sleep a lot; about 10-11 hours a night to feel refreshed. Nightmares have become a regularity. One in which rats sneaked up and bit my face whenever I drifted off to sleep was a low point. I'm hoping that increasing the anti-depressant dose will at least mean that I have happier weird dreams.

I know I'd feel much better if I was sleeping more deeply, but haven't found a solution. I am sleeping, just not well.  The hospital have suggested zopiclone, but I've had it before and it made me feel worse than I feel now. Valerian helps, but I'm nervous about taking it. I looked it up on drugs.com and couldn't find an interaction with Boceprevir, Ribavirin or Interferon, so started taking it. Then I discussed it with the nurse at the hospital who pointed out that because Valerian isn't a registered medicine it won't show on the interaction databases, and the advice is not to take supplements on treatment. I'm compromising by having Valerian tea rather than the pills - as no one seems to have anything bad to say about herbal tea, only "supplements", perhaps because the active ingredients are less concentrated, or perhaps just because nobody has thought about it.

Yesterday at the gym, my 2k rowing time was about 10 mins 15 seconds - that's not far off where I was when I started, and much better than a couple of weeks ago. I had energy. I had bounce. I had joie de vivre. In my daydream interpretation of my side-effects, this is because the day before was the day when the virus died, and now my body doesn't have to deal with fighting it any more, just with the medicine.

My end of week 8 Viral Loads will support or disprove that theory. They aren't used for determining whether to continue treatment, but the FDA approved package insert shows that in the initial clinical trials, 88% of those with undetectable virus levels at week 8 went on to clear the virus, verses 43% of those where the virus was detectable at week 8. I will get my week 8 results in two to three weeks time - eek!

Other stuff which is a bit rubbish - I spend most nights in the spare bed, not snuggled up with my love. I sleep so lightly and am tossing and turning and coughing etc, that I wake him up, then he wakes me up. We both sleep better in separate beds at the moment.

I'm still severely neutropenic, and the clinic head is still putting off giving me G-CSF to stimulate my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. Current plan, I have more blood tests on Wednesday, and if there hasn't been an improvement then I get Lenograstim.

I've also managed to persuade the nurse to give me a vitamin D test. In the end I emailed him the papers I'd found suggesting that it's important for successful treatment that your vitamin D, B and A levels are all good. Here are the studies I found:

• http://hepatitiscnewdrugs.blogspot.ca/2013/02/vitamins-magic-bullet-against-hepatitis.html
• http://www.hepctrust.org.uk/News_Resources/news/2013/April/Lo+levels+of+vit+A+and+D+associated+with+hcv+and+non+response+to+treatment
• http://www.hepctrust.org.uk/News_Resources/news/2012/January/Can+adding+vitamin+D+improve+response+to+HCV+antiviral+therapy#.UR4i5kZoNNY.blogger

Can't say I'm all that impressed with the clinic. They seem pretty average.

Tips:
- don't eat acid food (e.g. oranges, tinned peached) with your Boceprevir, take them with milk.
- exercise as much as you can;
- Aveeno bath/shower oil.

My blood test results so far

Thanks for listening. x